Ang Pag-ibig na Wagas ay ang Pag-ibig na Hindi Makakamit

March 24, 2009

4:05 PM

A dear friend’s body was found this morning, void of life.

This body had a name, Vincent Jan Rubio, VJ to dear friends. He was editor of the Philippine Collegian or Kule, for the Kultura Section, where we collaborated to write the feature story about my then student organization, The UP Repertory Company, more popularly known as UP Rep. We did that when I was in second year college. I gave him a write up in bullet form containing everything I wanted to say about my org. I should’ve written the article myself and pass it as a contribution, he jokingly said to me when I gave him the floppy disk and print out of the write up, that he read immediately. He even asked me to take the exam for Kultura writers in the prestigious university school paper. I thought it was only between the two of us, and he was only joking, when Dada Nartea one day told me that the Kultura exam was nearing.

For a moment there, I believed that I could actually write, and well at that, because VJ saw a potential in me.

I never took that exam because I never had the guts, and because I knew I wasn't good enough for the part. But the article we collaborated on got published with a huge photo in a spread in the Kultura Section. My name never got mentioned though, it’s not allowed to mention names, said the editor. But VJ still thanked my org for it. And we continued to be friends even after college.

VJ and I would see each other in school events, in malls, even in bars. The first time after college was two years later, in Freedom bar. We promised ourselves to contact each other for upcoming events, or just to chill. But never did. We recently got in contact again after we saw each other in Conspiracy Bar. I was with a friend then when I heard someone yelled my name and turned to see his smile, as if saying “malandi ka, bakit ka nandito?” I was with my lesbian friends then but joined VJ’s table. Our chitchat lasted for more than an hour, my friends even said “nanlalalaki ka”. VJ’s famous line that night was “Ang pag-ibig na wagas, ay ang pag-ibig na hindi makakamit”, while doing his Sto. Ninyong Gala accent.

We promised to go to Matilda’s gig at Freedom bar one time after Conspiracy. I went to the gig to be true to my word. But he never came. I texted him and he said he’s currently busy with work and promise to make it up to me.

About a month ago, I saw Xavier Gravides in Cubao X. I could not believe that he was much slimmer so I called him from a distance, and asked him about his diet secrets. He told me his secret, and that VJ was with him that night. A few minutes later, VJ came to my table. We had a small talk, about the highlights or our lives between that moment and the last time we saw each other. And other things that were not as important to our lives, but were worth talking about just the same. He said we should go out sometimes so he could make up for not coming to our meeting at Freedom Bar. I said, he should go to one of my band’s gigs. He said, with force “sige, basta itetext mo ako!” but I was never able to text him.

This morning, a lot of my friends’ status in Facebook was “Justice for VJ Rubio”, and I did not have a clue. There was even a link to one of VJ’s blogs that I clicked and read. It was an article 4 years ago, about death. Still, I was clueless. I asked a couple of friends in Facebook about what happened when Al Rio, an officemate and a former Collegian artist, rushed to me and said “Roma, alam mo na nangyari kay VJ?” Silence. “Namatay daw!” Silence.

I contacted friends from Kule to get details. His closest friends, Caloy and X were out of reach. Kat Macapagal answered her phone. I asked “Kat, anong nangyari kay VJ?” She was explaining that VJ’s car was found somewhere in Sumulong, and his body was not there. But this morning, his body was seen at a distance from his car. I asked again “anong nangyari?” She seemed to have gasped for breath, then said “Sure na, na-identify na. Patay na, mads”. Silence.

Suddenly, everything was in slow motion, and my knees weakened. I could not believe it. I suddenly felt that there’s something lacking. VJ’s faces flashed to me – drunk, sober, happy, serious, dead.

Of course, something’s lacking. We never got to go out. But more importantly, someone so nice, so intelligent, so beautiful and so dear passed away. Unbelievable. I even thought, what could this be, a murder, a robbery resulting to homicide, a crime of passion, a hate crime? What a waste!

For a moment there, I believed that I was not really living my life. And anytime life would be gone, and unexpectedly at that.

A dear friend’s body was found this morning, void of life.

This body had a name, Vincent Jan Rubio, VJ to dear friends.